Parenting 101

I have recently discovered Amy McCready & her Positive Parenting Solutions! {I believe by way of Pinterest.} I became a Facebook fan & took part in a free webinar. I was hooked! If only I had an extra couple hundred dollars lying around so I could order her online course package! Lucky for me, she wrote a book, and books are a little less expensive, so onto my wish list it went! Then, to my surprise, it came out in paperback! Priced at only $10, I couldn't imagine passing up the opportunity to learn some valuable parenting skills that would benefit both Keira & I, so I splurged! In a nutshell, Amy found herself being that yelling mom she never wanted to be, took some parenting courses based in the Adlerian psychology of the early twentieth century, and changed her world! I too, find myself being the yelling mama I don't want to be, and spanking more often than I'd like to, which is never. So here I am, reading her wonderful book & working on making some changes.

Step 1: daily one on one time with Keira, minimum 10 minutes, twice daily. The purpose: to meet her need for belonging & significance. This step was fairly easy. I simply had to modify what I was already doing with her just a bit, by turning off the tv, doing whatever she wants to do for the allotted time, & not including video games. Also, by being completely present, as in no checking for text messages & the like. Along with having special dates together, it has made a positive difference, even though I think Keira already had a strong sense of belonging & significance to begin with.

Step 2: using my calm voice. The purpose: to instill a sense of calm for myself & my family. Okay, so things just got really tough for me. Even when I'm not in full yelling mode, I often grumble & growl just like a grumpy bear at many a frustration I may encounter throughout the course of the day. Not.good. So I am working on this step. I hope it isn't such a long road as it seems. I have enlisted Keira as my helper in this department, to point out when I have crossed over into "mean mama" mode. She is more than happy to help, even giving me suggestions as to what I should do or say next time in order to better handle the situation! {good little helper!} Of course, mama was doing pretty well for the last little while until I went & fell hard off the wagon tonight. Ugh! So after an evening of family discord, I suppose it's time to pick myself up again, dust off, own up, apologize, & move on. 

Step 3: encouraging rather than praising. It's a fine line to be sure! The purpose: to reinforce effort & improvement, focusing on hard work & personal achievement rather than on the outcome or end result. This step is a bit of doozy as well! It's essentially the rewording of praise into encouraging statements. Examples: Instead of "good girl!", it's "thank you for helping! Or instead of "wow, another A in science!", it's "your hard work is really paying off!" Or instead of "I'm so proud of you!", it's "you must feel really proud of yourself!" So rather than making praising statements that offer judgments of outcomes, and therefore set up the child for discouragement when the outcome changes, encouraging statements are focused on the all important processes & inner self worth, which doesn't change nearly as often as outcomes. This step is another toughy, but not nearly so much as step 2, & I am determined. 

That's all the further I am for now, until I can make some significant progress in these areas, & my plate is full. As I read, I recognize the areas I do pretty well in, as well as others I need to work on, like the "I told you so" or "if you would just listen to mama..." statements I make. I wish they handed these books out at the hospitals, to all new mothers! The world would be a much better place, indeed, and so many of us would be such better parents! Adlerian psychology is pure genius, & Amy McCready & her Positive Parenting Solutions are brilliant! I highly recommend them to anyone searching for the tools to become a better parent. I am so looking forward to the day when I can't recall the last time I raised my voice at Keira. That's my goal!

{This pretty much sums it up for me, especially that last part! Lucky for me, Keira is endlessly forgiving!}